open post; alan wake

[twains]

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[twains]

[Alan frowns. There's only one entity he'd like to make a deal with less than Scratch, and it's... technically part of this conversation, isn't it.]

What I want is you gone from my life forever. [Don't sugarcoat it, Alan.] I'm not making any deals with you.

[He sucks in a breath.]

And you're not going to hurt Alice or Barry, either.

[youbutfun]

Hey, I'd like you out of my life too. You're like one annoying roadblock keeping me from really tearing up the highway and seeing what this baby can do.

[Though he does also enjoy tormenting Alan, so maybe that comparison doesn't entirely work that well.]

Feeling's mutual, that's what I'm saying.

[twains]

Is it?

[Scratch, you fucking liar.]

The fact we're talking right now says otherwise.

[youbutfun]

Okay, so maybe I like watching you squirm a little. Or a lot. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling, in fact.

[Probably not the answer Alan wanted.]

[twains]

I'm not interested in your warm fuzzy feelings.

[Gross?

Alan is honestly tempted to just... walk away. As long as he stays away from the TV, Scratch can't do anything to him. Right now, anyway. If he's really back, then it's only a matter of time before he makes a personal visit.]

[youbutfun]

I'm hurt. I really am.

[Except he's got that same unpleasant grin he usually has.]

But that's fine, you don't want to talk right now, I get it. You're a busy guy, and hey, so am I. So I'll let you get back to your writing or pretending you haven't lost your fucking mind. We'll talk again soon. Some conversations are better had face to face anyways.

[Equally unpleasant laughter follows before the screen switches off.]

[twains]

[Scratch signs off and the temperature in the room might as well have dropped sixty degrees from the way a chill runs down Alan's spine. Sucking in a breath, Alan begins to set up the contingency plans he and Alice had come up with.

Cynthia Weaver would be proud, even if Alan fucking hates the fact they know how to turn their apartment into the Well-Lit Room 2.0 as quickly as possible. Granted, it takes longer without Alice here to help, but Alan is nothing if not determined.

Whether he finishes before Scratch makes true on his threat is another thing. ]

[youbutfun]

[Honestly, it’d be a pretty effective revenge to just do nothing and watch the Wakes bankrupt themselves investing in lightbulbs and batteries and electric bills. Slowly going insane as the wattage goes up and up and up.

But Scratch is a petty bitch egotistical and just has to have that hands on touch, that screentime, that face to face confrontation. So while Alan does whatever, probably scurrying around with the aforementioned lights and batteries, a voice echoes from in the apartment. From a suddenly dark corner that surely wasn’t there before. That’s not good, but…]

Can you hurry it up a little? I’m dying of boredom over here. And sure, I get creative when I’m bored, but we’ve seen this before! You put up a bunch of lights and the darkness can’t get in and then what a surprise! They go out!

[That darkened corner appears to be spreading now, definitely not good.]

[twains]

[Joke's on you, Alan's a hack and people will eat up the crap he publishes for years to come.

Alan doesn't even jump when Scratch appears because like Scratch says, they've done this before and the exact same thing always happens. It's all very formulaic. Though, he's tempted to fire a flaregun directly at the asshole. Instead he just raises a remote so Scratch can see it, and presses the button.

Alan might be a hack, but he's not stupid. The corner Scratch is in is instantly flooded with light from what might just be miniature suns with how fucking bright they are. They were the first thing the Wakes had installed, a cursory inspection revealing every room in the apartment's ceiling to be lined with the obnoxiously, painfully bright lights.

Will it solve the problem? Doubtful. But if it hurts Scratch, it's all worth it.]

[youbutfun]

[There’s a pained yell and that sizzle noise that accompanies the darkness burning out. But the corner of darkness just respawns in another area of the apartment. Seems like it’ll take a bit more to get rid of him.]

Speaking of repetitive, here’s a light show! Too cheap to provide a soundtrack this time though.

[Scratch is entirely expecting to get blasted against given all the lights. Not really his idea of a good time, but it can’t be helped. He’ll let Alan pingpong him around the apartment with these light traps for a while and then...well, then the real fun begins.]

Is it a licensing thing? If so, would've thought your buddy Barry could cut you a deal.

[twains]

[Alan... does not actually blast him with the lights again. Honestly, that measure was more for the garden variety Taken. He knew it wouldn't be enough to take Scratch out permanently, so honestly... It was just to hurt the bastard.]

And if I'd given the moment a soundtrack, you'd have something to say about running out of ideas, right?

[Remedy did the same thing in Control, so he knows how Scratch would react.]

[youbutfun]

Maybe.

[He was expecting another blast, so having a breather is a bit of a surprise. Sure it'd take more than that to get rid of him, but he still expected Alan to try.]

Speaking of ideas though, what are you thinking here? You know I'm not like the others, you can shine a light on me all day and hey, it sucks, not saying it doesn't, but I'm not gonna burn up like the rest of them. I'm just built different, one of a kind you might say!

[Or Alan might not, Scratch doesn't really care.]

[twains]

You want to look in a mirror and say that again?

[So dry it's almost the Sahara.]

I knew it wasn't going to be enough to get rid of you, but after everything you've done, you deserve it.

[youbutfun]

You know what I meant. And I do look into a mirror pretty often. Someone out there has to make sure this looks good.

[And it sure isn't Alan, actually he'll say that part out loud.]

And hate to break it to you, but it's not you.

[twains]

[He is not feeding into Scratch's narcissism more than he already has.]

So that's why you're here? To be petty?

[Alan rolls his eyes, fingers idly playing with the switch in his hand.]

Sounds like I'm not the one running out of ideas.

[youbutfun]

Does that sound like something I'd do?

[Yes, yes it does.

And while he asks that, the darkness starts to creep across the wall towards that switch, like Alan's got some real structural issues here...or he's picked out a house from Resident Evil 7.]

I can do so much better than petty.

[twains]

[Do not even want to think about Taken Molded, thanks.]

It is exactly something you would do.

[His thumb turns a dial on the switch, making more lights turn on. Not with enough intensity to make it seem like he's trying to blast Scratch back to Hell, but certainly bright enough to force the Darkness back.]

[youbutfun]

Can't wait to see your electric bill.

[There's more annoyance here than amusement, especially as the darkness recoils, not blasted away, but just kind of retreating and held in check by the light.]

Careful though, crank things up too much and you might blow a fuse, would hate for that to happen.

[From somewhere in the apartment, there's the sound of glass shattering. Some of those lightbulbs broken by darkness elsewhere.]

At the least you sound like you've got a real mess to clean up, but good thing you bought in bulk, right?

[twains]

[Alan doesn't react to the sound of shattering glass, outwardly anyway. Internally he's frustrated, because it's only going to get worse and he can only do so much. He just needs to make Scratch get to the point, because he's expecting this to go as it usually does. Scratch shows up, says his threatening spiel, leaves again to torment Alan later.]

I get it, you've been watching us. I hope that wasn't meant to be a surprise twist.

[It's only natural that Scratch has been spying on them since he's apparently back, the only question is for how long.]

So why don't you go back to doing that and let me clean this up.

[youbutfun]

Wow, not making a big deal of it. Good on you. Almost sounds okay with you letting me watch. At least, compared to me being here anyways.

[From somewhere the sound of darkness roiling can be heard. The floor below? Outside? Close but not inside, at least not yet. But it's probably not a good thing if it's elsewhere either.]

But why bother cleaning up now, we both know I'm just going to make a bigger mess.

[twains]

I'm just not interested in giving you the reaction you want.

[Therapy! Fuck yeah!

But his stomach rolls as he hears that sound in the distance - he knows exactly what it is, and it can't be anything good. Not now, not ever.]

Then how about you clean up after yourself for a change.

[youbutfun]

Oh I get it. You're the neat freak and I'm the lovable but completely messy roommate. Pretty wild sitcom pitch, don't you think? The Odd Couple, but it's like looking into a mirror!

[Scratch seems enamored with the idea, taking a few steps towards the closet, bringing the darkness with him, his hand reaching out to open it before he stops and gives Alan a skeptical look.]

Except I'm guessing once I open this, you've got some sort of light rigged in there to try and fry me, right? Not really my idea of getting along or playing house, but some people are into some weird stuff behind closed doors.

[twains]

I haven't written for TV in years, and sitcoms weren't really my thing.

[God, you should know this, Scratch. Alan watches him move intently, almost as if he's waiting for him to open the closet.]

Open it and find out.

[It really is just a normal closet, though. Not *everything* is rigged to hurt Scratch, just... a lot of things.]

[youbutfun]

Game show then? Let's see what's behind door number one!

[And he'll open the door with a look of disappointment on his face when it is just normal.]

No, don't think that one would've worked either. Gotta say this is a pretty weak consolation prize. Where's the new car, the all expenses paid vacation, or maybe that's behind...door number 2?

[Another door rattles like there's something behind it, something heavy pushing against the door. More darkness wanting to spill into the rest of the building.]

[twains]

[Then it's a good thing that when Scratch turns around again, there's a flaregun pointed at his face. While he'd been busy with his gameshow spiel, Alan had retrieved it from where it had been tucked into his waistband.

It's... probably not the only one on his person, if we're being honest. Where is he keeping the flares? Don't... Don't ask.

Instead of the incredibly obvious one-liner that's so stupid I'm mad Alan wouldn't say it, he just shoots Scratch in the face with the flaregun.]