open post; alan wake

[twains]

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[twains]

I'm just not interested in giving you the reaction you want.

[Therapy! Fuck yeah!

But his stomach rolls as he hears that sound in the distance - he knows exactly what it is, and it can't be anything good. Not now, not ever.]

Then how about you clean up after yourself for a change.

[youbutfun]

Oh I get it. You're the neat freak and I'm the lovable but completely messy roommate. Pretty wild sitcom pitch, don't you think? The Odd Couple, but it's like looking into a mirror!

[Scratch seems enamored with the idea, taking a few steps towards the closet, bringing the darkness with him, his hand reaching out to open it before he stops and gives Alan a skeptical look.]

Except I'm guessing once I open this, you've got some sort of light rigged in there to try and fry me, right? Not really my idea of getting along or playing house, but some people are into some weird stuff behind closed doors.

[twains]

I haven't written for TV in years, and sitcoms weren't really my thing.

[God, you should know this, Scratch. Alan watches him move intently, almost as if he's waiting for him to open the closet.]

Open it and find out.

[It really is just a normal closet, though. Not *everything* is rigged to hurt Scratch, just... a lot of things.]

[youbutfun]

Game show then? Let's see what's behind door number one!

[And he'll open the door with a look of disappointment on his face when it is just normal.]

No, don't think that one would've worked either. Gotta say this is a pretty weak consolation prize. Where's the new car, the all expenses paid vacation, or maybe that's behind...door number 2?

[Another door rattles like there's something behind it, something heavy pushing against the door. More darkness wanting to spill into the rest of the building.]

[twains]

[Then it's a good thing that when Scratch turns around again, there's a flaregun pointed at his face. While he'd been busy with his gameshow spiel, Alan had retrieved it from where it had been tucked into his waistband.

It's... probably not the only one on his person, if we're being honest. Where is he keeping the flares? Don't... Don't ask.

Instead of the incredibly obvious one-liner that's so stupid I'm mad Alan wouldn't say it, he just shoots Scratch in the face with the flaregun.]

[youbutfun]

[apparently that was a flaregun in his pants and he was not happy to see scratch

There’s a bright flash as the flare goes off and...hopefully doesn’t start a fire somewhere. More importantly Scratch recoils with a hiss. It’s not gonna get rid of him, but man does that suck. His suit’s all singed and you know what, he really didn’t like that. Nope.]

Not that I’m complaining, but how bout a little warning before you unload in a guy’s face?

[If Alan’s not going to make shitty jokes, then someone has to. Still he's wincing a little. It's not the one-hit kill it is with Taken, but man did that suck.]

[twains]

[After that joke, Alan is desperately wishing flareguns could hold more than one round at a time. He briefly debates reloading it and firing again, but he knows Scratch wouldn't let him get away with it.]

Did you ever ask?

[Beat.]

Don't answer that. Pretty sure I know the answer already.

[Unfortunately. And he doesn't want to hear any of the lurid details Scratch is likely to add.]

[youbutfun]

Hey, you might get to find out. What time's Alice getting back again?

[Because he just has to be an asshole.]

Or if you'd rather, you can always take one for the team.

[He just has to be.]

[twains]

[Alan grimaces, and then grimaces even harder when Scratch propositions him.]

Not interested.

[Not yet, anyway. Sorry Alan, you're powerless against the narrative when you're not the one typing it.]

You're not my type.

[youbutfun]

Hey, you're not my type either. Doesn't mean I wouldn't.

[To the surprise of no one.]

[twains]

Doesn't seem like there's much you wouldn't in the first place.

[Which, if you're gonna have his face... have some standards pls.]

[youbutfun]

There's not. You should try it, live a little.

[What are standards]

[twains]

You're the last person I'm going to be taking life advice from.

[You're not even a real person!!]

[youbutfun]

Oh wow, I'm hurt. Really.

[Said while...maybe feeling some discomfort from that flare gun still, so it's not entirely a lie?]

And it's not like I take rejection well either.

[twains]

[Alan backs up a step because that is definitely a threat.]

Seems like something you should work on, then.

[WOULDN'T KNOW, ALL HIS SHIT GETS PUBLISHED.]

[youbutfun]

Hey, would you look at that? Got a reaction from you, so I think I'm doing just fine.

[Couple steps forward here because he just has to be all up in Alan's business all the time apparently.

And he could get published too! Probably! Write some books under Alan's name, how hard could it be?]

[twains]

[This would be where Alan pulls out a flare and shoves it into Scratch's face... if he'd been able to grab more than just the already empty flaregun.

Turns out when he doesn't have three different jackets on, he can't keep a lot of ammo on him.]

Not wanting to be near you isn't much of a reaction.

[youbutfun]

[Alan, do you have a jacket problem?]

Hey, I'm not afraid to admit I take what I can get. You'd be surprised, then again, no, you know that one pretty well.

[Would ask why Scratch is like this, but he just is, okay?]

[twains]

[No u.]

Yeah. I do.

[Said as frustrated as he looks.]

So this is why you're here? Because you're so hard up you had to come to me?

[youbutfun]

Hey, it's not like I don't have options.

[He could go torment other people! And then Alan gets dragged into that, assuming he's not dragged into it from the start due to them being people he knows.]

But you know, if you switched genres, I bet that sentence could be a lot more fun. Maybe change that to to a for. You'd get all kinds of new readership.

[twains]

[Alan's mouth opens.

Alan's mouth closes.

Really, how does he even begin to react to that?]

Let me guess, then you get to find new ways to torture me under the guise of proving material for the new book?

[youbutfun]

[Honestly, how does anyone even begin to react to Scratch?]

If you don't like that idea, I can always go back to the old ways of torturing you.

[Just a thought.]

[twains]

I'd really prefer neither.

[CAN'T YOU JUST... GO AWAY....

Without thinking, Alan takes another step back - anything to get more distance between them. Too bad the sudden turn of the conversation made the fact he's stepping closer to the Darkness slip his mind.

What a convenient twist for the narrative. Convenient. Hacky. Whatever.]

[youbutfun]

Well, I'd prefer...

[Hand out to push Alan as the Darkness ooze? roils? darknesses forward? Don't know what verb goes here, it just does whatever the Darkness does to ensnare Alan.]

[twains]

[He remembers too late to do anything about it.]

-- Fuck!

[He struggles against it, the remote for the lights slipping through his fingers and into the inky blackness beneath him.]